There have been many times when, for me, the world is just cold, dead and grey and I understand the nature of the universe and there is nothing that could possibly surprise me. The mystery is sapped out, enjoyment is impossible, it’s just an endless, grey, boring winter that goes on for eternity.
This is kind of depression at its trickiest. It’s depression validating itself to you on an intelligent level.
It’s kind of hard to see the trick for what it is when your chemicals are aligning to not allow that perspective. That’s the first thing to take care of, of course.
Once that’s taken care of, I find that atheism actually saves me. Atheism is reason, reason is science, and science can often times blow your mind. It reminds me that I don’t know everything… I can’t predict every interaction in my life from now until I die. I remember that the world and universe are FILLED with mystery. It’s that mystery which makes it beautiful. It’s that mystery which we are blind to in our darkest moments.
That aside… sometimes the goal of being happy doesn’t really matter. I find no matter what I’m doing, my emotional roller coaster is the same. It’s better to focus on being effective in the ways you wish to be… in giving to the world what you want to give. It doesn’t really matter how you feel sometimes. You just keep doing what you think is right. Enjoyment will find you.