Engineering/programming ruined my life

Yeah, I am seeing a psychologist. Hasn’t really helped much. He’s not telling me what I didn’t know back in Vegas. And I don’t really respond well to the whole “just deal with it” thing.

If he’s telling you to “just deal with it”, I would definitely find a new psychologist. That sounds terrible. To be honest, I’ve found more empathy with female therapists and psychiatrists than male ones. I don’t know if that’s a result of our culture or society. But that is purely anecdotal.

He’s not. That was my female psychologist back in Vegas.

Oh gotcha.

Don’t be afraid to switch around psychologists/therapists/etc. My first one didnt work out after a month or so. The one I am currently with is going well but I could very well switch later on.

That’s so true. My experiences with psychologists has been very frustrating.

I’ve seen like 5 or 6 different ones. Some were very passive, so I felt like I was paying someone to listen to me.

One dude I’ve seen was charging like 100$ per hour and sometimes he would cut the session short at 45 minutes…

My insurance pays 500$ a year for sessions. So at 80-100$ per hour, that’s not much.

My insurance covers one single medical office of psychiatrists for like 60 miles, and that office is known to be terrible (all about volume).

I’ve had to go outside the network of my insurance, so its 260 a month for CBT and 150 for psych visits. And my out of network deductible is $7500. So I’m dropping alot per month for who knows how long and I’ll probably never meet that deductible.

That sucks, my therapist has actually let sessions go way over the 50 minute slot sometimes when she doesn’t have another patient waiting. I’m still not sure about my psychiatrist though. My initial consultation with my psych was $350 though. Idk how people are supposed to do this without significant savings or budgeting.

I think I understand what you’re feeling because I’ve had similar thoughts about my life choices. I feel that I’ve been in ‘survival mode’ a long time… doing whatever I think is necessary to keep the pay checks coming and not focusing on my goals and passions.

Love life ? Mine is a complete disaster.

Try not to dwell on those thoughts. Whatever is done is done. Tomorrow is another day and other opportunities will come up.

Lots of people change careers multiple times. I’ve read somewhere that you need 10 years to become an expert in a field. At 29, you probably have at least 3 careers ahead of you. I know it’s hard, I’m currently in the same process of figuring out what my next step is.

I hope you find help for your depression. Good luck.

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IMO if you can’t handle office politics then you’ll have a harder time working when you’re in a business related field

anyway have you seen office space? TBH I find you guys lucky a plumber there could probably have his own home in here its not possible, have you ever considered going for a trade?

On my mind if I were only living in a first world country where I could live decently just by doing manual labor that would really be great but I’m stuck here and competing with a hundred million population just to get a decent living, I’d love to leave tech too, my gf left me, dating seems not an option and I’m seeing friends who immigrated somewhere else living an easier life than me.

Anyway I hope you can find something better out there, hey las vegas is probably near SF or austin

What kind of jobs are you trying to get bro? Do you have a solid portfolio? Do you choke on technical interviews?

I have no degree in CS and basically dick around in Python / Ruby web dev at work and am making 120k/yr

Do you need help finding a better job? I have tons of hookups everywhere…

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I have no idea how you manage to do that. Outside of one guy who works in Silicon Valley, no one I know who is in this field is making that much. Most are making about half that.

I got involved with PHP, so Python/Ruby means I’d have to learn two whole new languages which will take at least 6 months to learn before I could even think about doing it professionally. I do have a short part-time gig that will pay most of the bills to start and hopefully pay it all by the time it’s done, but I’m not too sure about that either…

When I was in my senior year in high school, I had 3 possible paths I could take. Business major, engineering major or going pro in Magic: The Gathering (I was really good at it back then). I couldn’t have imagined that what everyone told me was the most practical solution turned out to be the worst possible solution for me socially, in love, and financially…

hi…is it possible for you to apply as a faculty in college/university since you have work experience? teaching is relatively less stressful and peaceful.

I thought about it, but I have no idea where to even begin. I have a friend in Orlando who somehow became an associate professor with just a Master’s and I’m trying to figure out how since I only have a Master’s (with some Ph.D credits). Otherwise, I’d have to consider returning to school to get my Ph.D.

It’s been several months since I first wrote this on here and not much has changed. I’ve started a tutoring business to somewhat sustain me (but not completely), my new girlfriend has an idea for a game for us to create that she thinks should take off quite well (as she is insanely good at graphics, and that was the one thing I’ve been missing this whole time that’s kept me from going into business for myself), and I’ve left Youtubing on a regular basis but have become CTO of a startup Youtube network in hopes that it will eventually take off.

Yeah, I’ve gone back to developing… the first month or so was kind of rough. I couldn’t code without having some kind of flashback. It’s gotten easier as I go into my third month back (second month back in full).

But times like now, at 3:30am on a Friday morning, I can’t help but think to myself that I’m only delaying the inevitability of my failure.

Hey there. I’m just popping in to ask for an update. How’s it going since this last post? I’m really sorry that things worked out this way for you, friend.

Also, what sort of dev work were you involved in? Have you considered just going into IT instead of dev work?

Here’s an update.

The job at the Youtube MCN I had turned south very quick, much like other dev jobs, only this time I was barely getting paid $20 a month (6% of profits), and I was working upwards of 10-12 hours a day to try to get their dashboard done. Pressure became too much, my girl convinced me to quit so we can put more focus into my tutoring gig and our game because it looked like the network wasn’t going anywhere.

We have a Kickstarter coming out October for a card game I created over the last several months. I gotta make the Prefundia for it this week. I’m going to conventions in Orlando and Charlotte over the next month and a half for it. This creation of the game (and comic that she’s making) has been a dream of hers for years and it was weird how that worked out for us. I’m nervous about the conventions though.

I have a friend who is trying to re-teach me Java and get me away from the PHP I was working on. So I’m trying to get caught up with everything with Java over the next few months while I still have a savings left. But who knows, if the Kickstarter takes off, we might not have to worry. I do want to make software for my company I’ve created however, but I’m needing to get caught up with everything first.

To summarize, I’ve found a way to at least hold off going broke temporarily with online tutoring. I have a Kickstarter for a card game something my girlfriend and I have worked on for several months and if it doesn’t take off, I’m hoping I’ll have learned enough about Java to try to find contract work to “prove myself” in the meantime en route to a full time job, or worse comes to worse try to make something of my own (an app idea?), and worse comes to worse there’s online tutoring/private tutoring (once I move closer to my gf in FL).

So life is getting a little better, but my future is still somewhat shaky.

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I found your perseverance inspiring. Please keep us updated on progress with everything, including the card game. So cool!

Working 10-12 hour days is not conducive to good mental health for anyone, so congratulations on being able to find a better situation.

Some updates from my Facebook:

Last Wednesday
Today a person I thought was the love of my life not only left me but took a project I helped work with for six months for herself. I am unsure if I still have rights to the trademark. I will have to check. She left me stranded in tampa at 1.30 am last night, spent a day and a half worried to death about her all to get back at me over something I did when she said she was gonna break up with me before and because of my constant negativity and my aspergers issues.
And people wonder why I’m so negative. That’s why. I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me more times than I can count. I’m returning to Atlanta alone, loveless, and having the start over again as what was left of a 10 year game I had in my head has been stolen from me.

Today
Normally, I have a solution or a backup plan for everything I do. After having 20+ years of nothing but continuous disappointments and having the rug pulled out from under you, it does that to you. But the way Cynthia tried to make me rethink stuff so that I stayed only on our track for Beast Domes to be a success, quitting Eternal, giving up on certain friends… her pulling out the rug from under me, leaving me stranded in Tampa last week, I don’t know how I get out of this one honestly. I think this is it. I don’t get up from this one.
Like I said, normally I have a solution or a backup plan. But I don’t see it this time. Tutoring is inconsistent and won’t help me pay the bills for long. Software dev is worthless for me. Businesses have proven that college degrees are worthless, maybe even worse than never having a degree at all. I need an artist to get my project going. I’m at the end of my rope. Not having a girlfriend is the least of my problems now. When I lost Cynthia, I didn’t just lose a person I thought I was gonna spend my life with, I lost what was my last hope to make anything of myself.
I can’t go back to my field because I’ve been out a year-plus since my last job and my Crohn’s makes sure I can’t physically handle the demanding hours a dev brings. I can’t stay a tutor for long because it’s oversaturated. I can’t continue my business without an artist. I really think this is it…

Well, if you really are planning on leaving dev work, then I’d suggest maybe looking into a blue collar job. They pay well, and the job satisfaction seems to be pretty high, which may be something you need right now. Also, being able to work outdoors may be good for your mental condition. Again, take my advice with a grain of salt. I haven’t had professional work as a developer, so I’m just speculating. But from what I know, blue collar life does seem to have an appeal to it.

Also, I urge you to read. Please READ. Specifically The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It’s one of my favorite books and offered a new perspective on life.

I really hope things get better for you, and for anyone going through something similar.

That would be even worse for me. I can’t do physically demanding work because of my condition without straining myself. I have found a part-time job as a tutor that is holding me off for a little bit, or at least will in a couple of months. I’m thinking about going back to school to get a PhD but I’m unsure in what subject yet. I’m eligible to go for Computer Science, Electrical Engineering, or Mathematics, and I’m considering the latter just because it would be easier for me.

Other than that, same old same old I guess. Losing friends. Feeling kinda meh. You know? People say depression is a chemical imbalance. Are they sure? It seems like whenever bad things happen to me I get depressed. Whenever good things happen to me, I’m suddenly normal or cured of depression. Chemical imbalance my ass. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m sure for some it is, but for me that clearly isn’t the case.

So yeah, update: Found a part-time tutoring job. I’m slowly getting back into development for myself, I have a couple apps I have in mind I want to make, but I’m having a new issue. 10-15 minutes into coding a voice in my head reminds me that coding is the reason why I’m 30 and single, and I need to stop doing it, and I just can’t do it anymore. It might sound weird to some, but back in college, I had a ton of people who wouldn’t date me or be friends with me because of my major, and I think that’s starting to take a toll on me as well, especially now that I’m older and I’ve been pretty much chained to my apartment the last couple months (that should change with my tutoring job though).

My brother plays some games that I can’t tolerate even 10 minutes of them but he enjoys them and plays for hours and hours. We are both programmers. I did some programming and made an android app and I don’t enjoy programming anymore but my brother loves it and it’s like reading a story for him. I found I could enjoy programming if I create mind map of the classes and methods etc but that’s time consuming and is not what companies like to do because they want their job done as fast as possible so I decided to leave the programming and seek for the major that I could enjoy doing it. My major was biology and I like study molecules in chemistry at least it was and still is enjoyable to do chemistry and read stuff like that. The reason I end up as a programmer was money and no job opportunity for biologists thanks to the years of sanctions and pressures on Iranian people from the brutal western policy and having a stupid government. Do the job that you enjoy. Do meditation and always remember we are here to evolve. Our spirits have to evolve so we feed our spirit during the lives and inside different bodies (man, woman). The purpose of the Creation is spirit evolution not those stuff that religions say. Keep yourself together and don’t worry everything will become free with the help of AI and free energy. Learn about Billy Edward Albert Meier. Futureofmankind.info

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@harpuia Hello, how are you doing? Any updates?