I’ve struggled off and on with panic attacks, fear of panic attacks and generalized anxiety nearly my entire life. I was so lucky to have 4 years of that time until recently where I felt completely normal. I could go on trips, meet new people and just experience a normal life until a few weeks ago.
I was at a conference, sitting on a bus full of strangers and had that familiar urge that I needed to get off the bus ASAP no matter what. I kept it together until we got to our destination but ever since then I haven’t been right. I managed to make it home OK with no problems and the night after, I woke up and had another attack. I couldn’t go back to sleep no matter what. Ever since then, I have a fear of going to sleep and now when I wake up in the middle of the night I can’t go back to sleep because I’m so anxious and feel panicky.
Every day, the thought of this problem runs through my head. Every, single day, dozens or more times a day. It’s starting to affect my work because it’s consuming my thoughts, my family life because I’m sleeping odd hours because I"m not getting regular sleep and so on. Essentially, it’s become the elephant in the room and I can’t kick it out.
I’ve been on Vyvanse for 2 years and that helped out so much with my ADHD and my work. However, now, because of this problem I don’t like to take it because it’s supposed to make the anxiety worse. My doctor started me on Welbutrin 300mg/day and I can’t tell any difference at all. In fact, I don’t know if it was because of the Christmas holiday or because of the Welbutrin but the anxiety has gotten worse. I’ve only been on the Welbutrin for a week now so I guess time will tell if it’s helping.
I’ve tried so many things to calm down, breathing from the diaphram, trying to focus on something specific, attempting to accept the anxiety and deal with it and nothing seems to help. Xanax helps but I’m not going to take that all the time when I feel anxious because I’d be popping them like candy.