How do I start a conversation about this with my doctor?

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Exactly one year ago I saw this comment on Reddit to a question titled “How do you find motivation to stop being lazy?”

Antidepressants. Seriously.

I never realised how much of a problem my lack of motivation was until I started seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist.

That was me. Too lazy to do house chores, too lazy to finish a single project. Angry at myself for being so lazy. The same day I put up the courage to email a psychologist for young adults. I felt so stupid saying “I saw this thing on the internet”. Luckily, she was very understanding.
After the first few sessions, she gave me a task. To try and stop being angry and understand that I’m not abnormal for being lazy. It was hard, but I managed to stop caring about those unfinished projects. I managed to stop caring that I spent a night watching TV instead of being productive. I went about 8 times over the course of 3 months. We concluded that I was better now, and I was really happy. Even though I didn’t take any medications, it was just something in my head, I was glad I was “cured”.

The other thing I seem to have is, I have periods (a few weeks to a few months) where I’m happy, and I have periods where I’m not happy. Not saying I’m unhappy, just not happy. It didn’t look that much like an issue and we thought it might go away when I accepted that being lazy isn’t bad per se.
The past couple of months have been another one of those ‘not happy’ periods. And today I saw the ‘Developers and Depression’ talk. I don’t have these issues of not showing up at work and I don’t feel depressed, but it made me wonder again if I should try to see someone again. The psychologist no longer seems to work where she used to, and I’m not sure if she still does it (her practice at home was a side job). So I thought I could just go to my “home doctor”. But there it is again. I’m really not looking forward to say “I saw this video on the internet”. I’m afraid to make a fool out of myself, like I’m looking for an excuse for my laziness. However, I also don’t really know how else I can start the conversation. Could anyone give me some tips? I’d appreciate it a lot.

Thanks

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I don’t know what it’s like where you are (I’m in New Zealand) but most doctors here are pretty familiar with depression, given that it is so common. Still, talking about these kinds of things for the first time is always pretty nerve-wracking. I don’t know anyone who didn’t feel anxious about it to begin with.

Depression can take many forms - there are the episodic forms where your mood really plummets. But also, there are forms which are a more low-grade on-going depression which can often go undiagnosed and untreated for a long time.

This form of depression is called dysthymia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia

Does that sound more like what you experience?

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I live in Belgium. I had a look at the page. ‘Avoiding opportunities for failure’ was also discussed as a possible cause last year.

It’s hard to tell if I’m depressed, I kinda think that’s a big word and I’d rather not misuse it. But I don’t have any medical training, so perhaps my definition of the word is skewed.

I think I stopped eating breakfast when I started working 2,5 years ago, and I regret it almost every day, sitting at my desk and feeling hungry. My lunch is never something spectacular, and after I went to live on my own last year, I make dinner 3 or 4 times a week with the other nights being fast-food.
I stay up almost every day until at least 2am, even if I have to get up for work at 7am and know that I’ll feel like shit. Often I force myself to go to bed at 2am, even though I’m not tired yet.
I suppose reduced self-esteem could be those “less happy periods” I talked about.
It happens that I experience distress at work or in my social circle, but I’m not sure if it’s me or just the situation at that point. I enjoy doing my work as long as it’s challenging and I have something new to learn, but the moment I grasp a concept it gets old pretty fast to me.

I suppose it’s worth going to my doctor. I’ll tell him I’ve done some research and would like a professional to take a look.
Thank you for the info.