I’ve been a dev for almost two decades now, and I stopped enjoying it at least four years ago. I tried to get into UX, spent a bunch of money on classes, and completely failed. I did manage to get a job for embarrassingly little money at a large tech company, where I was the only dev on most projects, that was mellow and tolerable, but I hated the company, their culture, the food, and just about everything else about it.
I recently took a dev job paying three times as much with the intention of sticking it out for ten years, and saving up enough money to just retire, but a few weeks in, and I can’t stand it. I just can’t hack a completely normal, possibly even good dev environment anymore. The people are fine, the pace is fine, the management is fine, but I just can’t cope with the frustrations of learning yet another new set of design patterns for displaying a fucking list of data. I don’t give a shit about whatever new thing you’re using to persist data. Two weeks in, and I’ve thought about jumping off the top of a parking garage (of which there are plenty downtown, most above ten stories, so survival would be unlikely) so many times. The worst, is when I fuck this up, I’m going to alienate a consulting company that has found me a ton of great work over the course of a decade.
This post hit the nail on the head:
20-year veterans are people who just get it done no matter what, and still have time to raise kids, keep a clean house, and have a life. They can do a code review of a multi-thousand line commit, understand everything about it, and have useful, relevant feedback, while I just spend hours staring, and finally just make a stupid comment about bracket placement.
I need the money to live. I have no other marketable skills. If I wash out of this, it’s off to the burger barn to flip patties, and I’ll seriously kill myself before that.
I have no idea what to do.