walked in to work today to find a letter on my desk inviting me to an employment review next week where I should be warned that this may result in the termination of my employment. I had a bit of a moment the other day when I had a disagreement with my manager about issues I raised re the design of one of our projects. I felt pretty devalued as a result of it - it got a bit heated and I ended up asking to speak to my manager in the office where we continued to get out our issues on the table - for me it was feeling like I was being treated like a ājunior developerā whereas my manager said he had concerns that I was too slow in understanding the kind of development he was trying to introduce to the company.
A little bit of background for anyone familiar with the technology but it was an mvc entity framework based system where i had been told to implement the asp identity 2.0 functionality. I started the company on a part time basis around Feb. this year - and I came in on well basically a junior devās wage because I lacked the relevant skill set . Anyway lots of the technology was completely new but I successfully finished a project and was now getting on with a new project. For this one my manager had developed a framework to base the project around - this time he moved away from the repository pattern that I had used in the previous one, had introduced a services layer instead, IoC contained / dependency injection, Automapper and in addition had decided to move from a database first approach to code first. All great stuff - I think he did an awesome job but it left me with a lot to learn (Iāve been working on it around 4 weeks now) I got pretty stuck with the identity stuff as I need to fit it into this layered framework with custom users, user managers etc - and I did get a bit stuck and frustrated. Anyway - the first I mention of there being a concern with the timing was at our meeting on Monday. I think to add to the situation was the fact that we got a new guy in last month who is effectively also my manager but Iāve been feeling as if they have been a bit condescending to me and I suppose it all built up to the heated discussion the other day. Importantly though I am self-diagnosed borderline personality so itās complicated and I cam on here read some of the resources and had realised I had been pretty out of order so contacted my manager to apologise. This was all day before yesterday - so today I got this letter.
Anyway have came home and started to apply for other jobs - but my confidence has taken a severe hit as a result of him pointing out that I have been slow in the uptake. I agree that Iām not the fastest coder in the world - programming has never came naturally to me so I get by just by sheer determination and work. I probably wouldnāt do it at all but I am a lone parent and have a 4 kids to support so Iām feeling pretty upset at the prospect of being unemployed again - which I was beforehand for a while before contacting this company to negotiate a part time position.
I stayed in work for a few hours today , and had asked if we could have got the meeting over with today but that wasnāt appearing to happen so after a while I just got overwhelmed at the prospect of losing my job and had to leave. Iāve to go in on Wed for the formalities.
Sorry for long post - it wasnāt intended.