Any experience with Recruiters and Job Offers [ Update ]

anxiety
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I’m at wits end. I have been out of work for several months and am a couple weeks away from losing everything. I have been scraping by doing sharing economy gigs, am 42, have no family support and all friends are tired of listening to me. My freelancing gigs have been few and far between. Devoting most of time to finding job last 2 months in last ditch effort.

(I have come in 2nd place in several interviews last several months. I don’t think I’m great developer, but am great at solving problems so feel that makes up for pure tech skills. I do try to learn every day.)

2 Current Job Offers - feel as if I’m being lied to though

  1. Job #1 - UPDATE - DINGED - _ Update is No job and No reason supplied. Freaking out.

Interviewed for contract position with large consumer services company thru a recruiter. Recruiter supplied offer letter, I had background check and told I passed (nothing I can think why I wouldn’t)… then 3 days later was told by recruiter that they were not sure of the status position and wouldn’t know for a week. Start Date has been pushed 2 times and as of today past last one I was told. I have talked to 2 recruiters that work together on this and have been constantly told small lies. I do not have direct access to client (but know contact info of 1 of 3 contacts I interviewed with).

Status today is unknown, but do not feel it will actually happen. I feel recruiter is merely lying to me and is filling position with other candidates. It’s gut feeling as they were filling about 6 spots and 1 person had already started.

Note: The same situation occurred several months with different recruiting firm - on morning of first day of of gig, I was driving to client and got call from recruiter that paperwork wasn’t finished. I was told multiple times it was no problem and after 2 1/2 weeks was told they didn’t have budget for job.

  1. Job #2 - This is not thru recruiting firm but directly with HR dept. I have kept interviewing and was told I would get offer letter once a start date was determined and this has been a week. Told official offer will occur after start date determined. Maybe in a day. I have no idea why I would be lied to - but I can’t feel anything but anxiousness as I wait to hear. I don’t know why but feel like this is purposely being delayed (i.e., maybe they are waiting to hear back from different/better person for same position ?).

Advice? Has this happened to anyone? I feel like blogging and exposing recruiters (which would be really bad for me I’m sure).

I am so tired. If job #2 doesn’t happen, I have no idea how I’ll survive. Not throwing pity party, just want to work.

-Why (me) :worried:

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In my personal experience, I haven’t had an overall positive experience with recruiters. That being said, my own experiences haven’t been as frustrating as it sounds like you have been going through. Looking for work is exhausting anyhow without all those extra complications.

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@allisonplus thank you for your reply. I have found majority of recruiters to not care. general statement, just imho. i did start recently at the job #2 - yea. I’m still very, very, very stressed daily due to imposter syndrome, finances, etc.

i should be happy, but am not. maybe something else is going on… can’t pinpoint it, just feel like every day is a struggle to get through and almost waiting to get fired which would put me in downward spiral at this point.

but, i do reality check at times and think well, i was hired, but it’s not a “permanent” job, just contract. anyway, i am finding my nights used to try to learn and level-up as quickly as possible… tough to do when you are fighting all these other battles.

thank you for your reply. i do find reading the posts and replies very helpful.

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I would advise against that.

I’ve been there before, trying to catch up on work at night and working weekends. It’s not sustainable.

Take care of yourself first. Sleep, socialize, exercise, have hobbies.

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It doesn’t sound to me like you’re throwing a pity party @why , it sounds like you have a problem, that you have feelings about it, and not sure how to deal with it. Those are all pretty human traits. I hope you’ve been able to cope well enough. Are you working now?

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@monkeypatching - thanks for the advice. i have hard time doing anything other then going to work frankly. for the first time in a year i went over to some friends last weekend… but it’d been a year. i was so nervous even doing that. again, thanks.

@andy5995 - thanks for the reply. i appreciate the kind words. i guess there’s a theme in my replies/post - I feel like I’m on the verge and yes i am working now, but am so stressed out and feel anyday I’m going to be caught as an imposter. l know I’m human and all, it’s just sooooo much other stuff has occurred as well it’s hard not to feel like I’m just going to crawl into my shell if something bad comes along and breaks me. i remember i use to feel i was on top of the world and now any bit of stress is almost too much. i am trying to take one day at a time. my current job situation is ok - and yet feel like it could be my last day on the job anytime.

just hard to live… anyway, thanks for the advice again.

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I think I understand a lot of what you’re saying. I often have to remind myself that no immediate emergency exists in this moment. If I start thinking about all the obstacles I have to overcome, I start panicking and feel hopeless. So… it’s great that you are taking one day at a time. What are the techniques you use for coping with stress, @why?

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@andy5995 so, i take meds for anxiety - which help. yet, when i start to get overwhelmed, like a few items today at work, I actually don’t do anything… but I should I know. i can feel my heart beating rapidly, my face becomes flush, i hear a high-pitched constant sound (not voices, just something that i think is brought on by stress), etc.

but, that is good advice. next time i will try to do something to stop it, walk away, take a breather or something.

life is crazy - i never thought I’d end up like this… yet, here i am. for whatever reason overall i had a good day and am not eating ramen noodles this week. I’m not blowing money, but can afford a tv dinner. whoa nelly. anyway, thanks for engaging in this dialouge.

what do you do to cope with stress @andy5995 ?

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Hello again, @why :slight_smile:

The DBT skills I learned have been helpful to reduce stress.

Acknowledging a feeling without analyzing it is something I’ve been practicing more lately. Allowing myself to feel the emotion without pushing it away, but at the same time, not clinging to it. Later, after I’m more calm, I sometimes try to figure out why I had that feeling and how I might prevent it in the future. It works best for me when I have no distractions, or when I’m meditating. Other times, if I’m able, I just close my eyes for a minute and bring my attention to the emotion to acknowledge it, and hopefully, haha… let it go. :slight_smile:

I do some simple stretching exercises. I notice I get a more immediate effect of stress reduction and mood elevation than I do from other types of exercise. I wouldn’t call it yoga, I don’t stretch or work out to the point of discomfort, but just basic warm-up stretches. I don’t believe in “no pain no gain”. Working out or stretching for just 5 minutes a day is better than none at all, in my opinion.

Reading. Sometimes I can concentrate ok on what I’m reading, other times not so much. Depending on my mood or how fast my thoughts are going, I’ll either switch to a different book, or just read without worrying what I remember, knowing that my mind is more focused now that I’m reading, and it’s good brain exercise. Sometimes I’ll reread a paragraph when I notice that I don’t remember any of it. Other times, I will just continue.

I started learning to play the piano five years ago. It’s easier to play when I’m more relaxed. But sometimes when my thoughts are swinging about like monkeys, I’ll play a simple tune and then proceed to music more complex.

With regard to your anxiety, does your doctor ever suggest you log any mood changes when switching medication? I assume he or she has informed you that sometimes medication can increase anxiety. Years ago, I had been on Stelazine, a tricyclic. I had been on it for about 2 years. My doctor suggested I increase the dose from 2mg to 4mg to help with some increased stressors I’d been experiencing. I don’t remember how long after that, I’ll guess about 1 or 2 weeks, my anxiety worsened to a level that I had not experienced before. I called my doctor to report that my anxiety was very high, and she advised me to go from 4mg to 6mg. I told her “ok”. But after I got off the phone with her, it occurred to me that my anxiety became worse after the first increase. So I decided to go back to 2mg. After a day or two, my anxiety was much more manageable again. It was very strange, because Stelazine is categorized as a “conventional or typical” antipsychotic, often prescribed to reduce anxiety. I have no way of knowing of course, but I feel that my brain and body may have been fighting the sedating effects.

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@andy5995 Lots of good info here. Thanks for this and explaining your experiences. I understand the medication dosage yet, for me my dosage has been steady. I am taking sleeping aids (Ambien occasionally, Sominex most nights) and wonder if this may be tied to increased anxiety? It’s a catch-22 as I can’t sleep without them for the last 1 1/2 months.

My doc never said logging anything (but, I do keep journal sometimes). I came off another medication several months ago. I do have a chronic illness that is also a factor. Throw everything together and it’s hard to know what it is.

I’ve thought about exercise - and should do that. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders since if something happens to my job, then I’m homeless, car less… blah blah. that’s part of such amount of stress. I think I’m getting better, then yesterday I didn’t leave my apt all day as was afraid to.

I’m thinking of trying to join a support group, church group, something… Have found a few resources, just don’t feel I have time (lol).

Thanks again and appreciate the link.

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Anxiety is listed on page 23 of this Ambien medication guide for:

https://rxisk.org/medication-guides/Ambien.pdf#page=22

WebMd mentions “Nervous”, “Fast Heartbeat”, and “Ringing in the Ears”…
https://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-15470/sominex-oral/details/list-sideeffects

I know exactly what you mean! It can be very frustrating!

It can be very difficult to start an exercise routine.

Thinking about things is the first step! I’ve been thinking about quitting smoking for years and pat myself on the back every day for taking the first step, lol. :slight_smile:

Have a good weekend, @why

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@andy5995 wow, I didn’t know those could be side effects. thanks for all that info. hope you have a great weekend as well … or week ahead.

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