Any tips on dealing with depression?

Hello friends,

I’m a 32 year old male who sunk into what seems to be clinical/major depression a couple weeks ago. The trigger was mostly that my girlfriend of 3 years and a half with whom I was living with for 10 months decided to leave me out of the blue while I thought things were going pretty good. It took me very much by surprise and sent me in a downward spiral pretty fast. But I think that other things in my life have been slowly bringing me down and I guess now is the time to try to figure this shit out.

I now know she had been thinking about leaving me for at least a month or two and talking about it with family and friends, and that she told them that I had depression problems which I did not acknowledge until a couple of weeks ago I guess! I remember talking to her mom right after the breakup and she told me that I had depression problems and I was like “waaat, she’s the one who’s depressed right now”… and I was calling her mom to make sure that my ex was OK because the move was so weird to me.

Anyhow, I’m on work leave right now because I can’t sleep at all anymore it seems and I can’t really function normally anymore or take care of myself property. I lost about 30 pounds in about 2 months and not by exercising. I’ve been having anxiety problems pretty much my whole life but thought I was handling it well. The main thing is that I have psychosomatic chronic pain in the left side of my abdomen on and off since 10 years, which seems to be triggered by anxiety, and it sometimes can last a very long time and for sure causes my morale to go down fast because it’s very hard to pretend that it’s not there. I got a new job last summer and they told me the first year would be pretty tough. I went in anyways and sure enough 2 weeks after starting there the pain started and lasted for 3 weeks. Then I had another episode during the christmas vacation (I didnt feel anxious at the time so thats a weird one) and it lasted 3 weeks too. And it started again when my girlfriend left me and hasn’t left me since, varying in intensity from day to day.

I’ve been doing web programming since I’m a teenager, but I feel like in the last 2 years it’s been a lot less fun for me, its getting harder and harder to keep up with the fast pace of things, I’ve had some failures and haven’t been at the same job for much more than a year and I just wonder what exactly is most coder’s career plan usually because there’s no way I’ll be able to keep up when I’m 40. I think my depression is an accumulation of things, and I don’t think the breakup is the only cause. I’m guessing you’re supposed to just move up the latter into more of a management role, but it feels like I’ll never get there. And right now, I really wonder if I’ll ever program again because my mind feels like the mind of a 95 years old who just had a stroke.

I never ever thought that depression felt this way, but right now my mind is a complete blank and absolutely nothing I used to do is fun. I can’t even get myself to watch a movie or a tv show. I’ve stopped following twitter, stopped reading about web stuff, I don’t program at all anymore and I mostly just try to read inspiring things on my Kindle to pass the time and that’s only an hour or 2 a day. I was already taking a low dose of citalopram because it seems to help me with my anxiety somehow, and we’re trying to up it a little. But everything is really hard to understand, for my parents, for me. They keep telling me that I need to figure out what got me into this situation and I don’t have an answer right now and I’m not sure I’ll have any. I’m trying to have faith in medication and exercise, but I’m guessing at one point I’ll need to kick myself in the butt to get back on my feet, even though it seems a lot easier said than done.

I’m just wondering if some people around here experienced something similar, how they got out of it, etc. It’s the first time since I left my parents place that I’m back living with them for a little while because if I wasn’t here I probably would have checked into a hospital and I would have lost more than 30 pounds. I read online that you have to keep up as much as possible with your normal life, but since my life was very centered around work and my girlfriend (which I’m guessing is a big mistake), nothing about my life is “normal” anymore and I have to somehow rebuild myself one day at a time. I have no idea how long it’s going to take, and it’s scary.

Dealing with both issues (end of relationship / doubts about career) at once sounds like it might be too much. Maybe you can set the career stuff aside for a while. It’s hard to think clearly in a crisis situation, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of ruminating about all the bad things in your life. You’ll probably be much more effective at dealing with career related questions once you feel better.

Talking to someone about the relationship issues might help, also trying new things, especially if the relationship was a big part of your life so far.

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and that’s only the issues I mentioned in the post! I’ve got plenty others :smile:
one step at a time I guess…

I suffered from depression maybe from 10 to 18. At first I did not know that I had depression and I thought it was normal. My “trigger” were my parent, which did not show me enough love and I had a brain tumor, which produced one hormone that causes depression. After a brain operation and more than a year away from my family I fell pretty good. But what I realized was, it was my fault.
Now are your thoughts your enemies, but you have to make them your friends. It is really, really hard to get there, but when you do, you will be grateful for the small things.
What I thing helped me was regular exercise, I have completely changed what I eat (I do not eat any sugar, I eat whole grains, I am something like vegetarian with occasional meat), I speak about it. You have to get rid of the people that make you feel bad and find the real friends that can listen to. But you shouldn’t talk about it too much if you do not want to loose them. Meditation is really good! I have read some books about depression. Make some plans. Do some trips. Share our joy.
I am doing courses about positive thinking, yoga. I go meet new people, try meetup - if you speak German you can go to german exchange meeting.
Try diary. When I feel bad a try to paint some words on a paper that reflect how I feel and do some sketches.
I know it is hard and it takes a lot of time. Good luck :wink:

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There are many things you can do in order to get yourself free from Depression. One can take Depression Medication, Electroconvulsive Therapy, Counseling, Psychotherapy, Interpersonal Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Alternative Strategies, Or can consult to Voyante Sérieuse for help. Take help of those who have vast knowledge about these things. Hope so this would help you.

Thanks for Sharing your story. Last year I am also suffering from same situation then one of my friend suggest me to join hypnotherapy session .Then he recommended me Luke The Hypnotist who gave their services in toronto. These sessions help me to overcome from this situation.


Please refrain from telling others what conditions they may have which can easily be interpreted as a diagnosis unless you are a certified medical professional in the United States. (If you are, please email and we can discuss)


@hydrozen Yeah, sometimes it’s difficult to list all the issues that we’re experiencing. I see it’s been a while since you posted. How are things going now? Are you managing ok? Have you found some of the answers you were looking for?

I see the suggestions in this reply, @allisonplus, left by @julietteblanc. I am a little confused. After reading the forum rules, I thought advice such as this was frowned upon. Isn’t suggesting ECT a little premature as a first-step in treating depression? Isn’t it best left to a person’s doctor to decide which courses of treatment should be undertaken? Do I need to re-read the rules more carefully? :wink:

I’m a little surprised to see ECT as well, but I feel like the post by @julietteblanc was more informational “These are potential options” VS “YOU SHOULD GO DO THESE THINGS”. We should support informing individuals of treatment options without suggesting or recommending the person seek that treatment (because we’re not doctors). It’s a fine line sometimes.

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Oh, ok! I understand the difference - thanks for clarifying. And I believe that presenting people with as many options as possible is the best way to keep hope alive. After all, it’s only when people feel as if they have no options that they feel the most despondent.

And I definitely see where that could be a fine line. Especially when some forms of treatment are not universally accepted even among doctors. For example, this piece by Dr. James Grohol titled Low Serotonin Levels Don’t Cause Depression

an excerpt:

As we said back in 2007, serotonin may play some small, not-yet-well-understood role in depression. But if it does, it looks nothing like the simplistic “low levels of serotonin cause depression” hypothesis that was all the rage ten to twenty years ago.

If a doctor suggests this is the cause of your depression, and all you need is an antidepressant like Prozac, point them to this article. And please take a moment to share this on Facebook and twitter. It’s an widespread myth that dumbs down depression that we need to put to rest once and for all.

Thank you for presenting me with clarity, @JoePFerguson :slight_smile:

i’m 33 years old man feeling pretty much the same as OP with little differences currently trying to deal with it with the help of meds and that’s why i search for online pharmacy reviews as i want to purchase some AD at best pharmacies at best prices… thanks everyone for trying to help… i might share my story later too… should i create a new topic?

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@Leace11199 --Whatever you feel most comfortable with! A new thread particular to your story might be a good idea since this one originated a year or two ago.