In 2016 I attended a bootcamp to learn the SANE stack *(sql, angular, node, express). I struggled with depression, adhd, anxiety, and alcohol abuse while I attended. I found my issues to be manageable while I was in school, because I was able to bond with my fellow students. But after I graduated and started looking for a job as a front end dev, I was hit hard by my issues… I felt so useless, such a fraud. Looking at job descriptions and seeing the requirements… my god it felt so hopeless. I was desperate to find a job… a local recruitment company reached out to me and courted me. I had accepted that I would take an entry level job if it was offered to me. The recruiters pitched the position as an “apprenticeship program” but it turns out it’s a contract manual qa position with a two year duration… they dropped that bomb about two weeks into the recruitment process needless to say I was worried. But they worked to disperse my fears by telling me that I would be able to study and transfer into a “development” role.
Cut to 3-4 months into this “apprenticeship”. The company I work for is extremely backward and the opposite of “Startup” culture. It’s a cubicle farm… A java based ie supporting cubicle farm…
I am so bored and drained all day at work. I have no drive anymore… I go home every night and chug straight from my big bottle of vodka. Sometimes I even avoid my girlfriend so that I can just go home and pass out… At work I rely on my adhd meds to keep me focused on pointing and clicking on the screen… I’m not using any of the skills I went into debt for, in fact I’m loosing those skills every day.
I feel incredibly stuck. I would quit this job in an instant if I didn’t have bills to pay. The job pays like shit too…
If you have any advice or have gone through similar situations please comment…
vv disclaimer vv (Everything I have written here is fiction and has no relation to any reals persons)
Working with recruiters sucks and could cause irreparable damage to your career if you’re not cautious. I know this from personal experience and also because I dated one for 3 years. I would avoid working with them at all cost if I were you, unless it’s an internal recruiter or you run out of options. If you decide to work with a recruiter, you must have a clear understanding of what they are, what they do, but most importantly what they are not. Recruiters are a different kind of salespeople. Their job is to sell you a role at a company that matches your skills so they can collect a commission. That being said, a recruiter won’t help you find your dream job, won’t act on your best interests, and certainly is not your friend. With the skills you possess, because of their high demand, recruiters will come to you like vultures on a dying animal.
This article better describes why you shouldn’t work with recruiters:
On a side note, don’t avoid your girlfriend. Instead, spend time with her, go out and do things you both enjoy. She could be the support system you need in order to get through your current situation.
Recruiters are just car salespeople in a suit and you happen to be the car. Sure, it’s nice if they put you somewhere that’s a good fit for you and the company, but as long as there’s a body in a chair they get paid. And you might be surprised just how much of a cut they take too.
As far as your real problem I can offer some sympathy and advice although I think you get it based on your post.
I took a job, at a non-trivial pay cut, hoping I’d make it back in other ways. Not only is that not happening but I work for the King of the control freak kings. If you know who Milton is from Office Space, well, I don’t have a red SwingLine either but I’ve sure got his office. Like you, I’m bored, angry and running backward in reverse and I’m pretty much doing nothing I’d have chosen had I known what the job really entailed.
The one thing I can say, however, is that not going out, working out, or whatever you do outside of work just makes it worse. You need that stuff to build up a reserve so that when the chance opens up to get out you are able to see it and act on it. It’s hard, I struggle with it, especially when I’ve been jacked around during a day, but it’s gotta be or it just gets worse, or at least it does for me.