Depression is ruining everything

Hello, my name is Ava and I’m 11 years old.
I don’t know if this is the right forum to ask this, but I’ll try anyways.
I really want to learn to code, but my depression is ruining everything…
I don’t have the motivation :confused:
I’m messed up and so is my life.
Let me explain why before you tell me to “just be happy”.
I’m homeless. Sometimes we sleep on a hospitals toiletfloor.
My brother has autism and is the reason for all my sadness…
Don’t tell me it isn’t his fault… He’s 12 and he used to threat my mom with things like "Tomorrow I’ll tell my
school that you slap me if you don’t… [Insert random thing he wants my mom to do]"
I’m tired of this.
Tired of my mom telling me how much she regrets giving birth to me… I already know she hates me, and
I already know I’m a mistake.
Self harming is the only way to escape from this darkness but everytime I try to get help my mom threaten to break my tablet or computer(Those devices are my only friends)
My dad is an asshole and he doesn’t care about me sleeping on a floor on a public place
My mom’s mom is a pill addict and a drama queen
My dad’s parents hates me and never invites me to any of their birthdays or any of their shit.
That was enough of my drama queen shit ^-^

Why I want to learn to program? Let me explain!
It started when I got my tablet last about a year ago(11 months and 18 days to be exact)
I discovered rooting and custom roms and was like "Oh awesome! I’ll root my tablet! :D"
While researching I went on Omegle and some guy told me to look the word ‘Python’ up
I did and of course I was confused as fuck.
But I researched and researched…
And now, I want to program malware.
Don’t know why.

I’m an idiot, a drama queen and I’m ugly and stupid as fuck.

Dear God, please let me die
I wish I could say goodbye to you and I


I know it seems hard, but remember this one thing: “Don’t let a temporary situation feel like a permanent one.”.

You are so young, and with more perspectives come a different outlook on life. I’ve struggled with depression since I was 3, and I also have autism (I have Aspergers and just found out earlier this year and I’m 33). It’s best to just keep creating, setting goals, and as you hit each one, you may find that your ambition outweighs the dark place.

Try reading this article:

It may be a lot to take in at first, but you have control of this, and if you start developing at this age, you will be rocking it harder than anyone. You aren’t ugly, you are beautiful. You aren’t dumb, and you are enough.

Hope this helps.

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