Feeling like a failure

I’m 24 and graduated with a degree in computer science last May and have been unable to find a job. I left home after I graduated,since I stayed to go to school, to show I could do it on my own. That even with the serve A.D.D and anxiety and depression I could do it and will be fine but as I lay here at 5 in the morning I feel like I failed everyone and I just want it all to end. All my family is worried for me and I hate that cause I don’t want them to have to worry.

I lay here wondering if I would even be able to handle a programming job, am I actually any good. The anxiety and A.D.D make me worry that they will be the cause of me losing any job I get. Question whether I should be on any meds for them.

I feel like I don’t remember anything I learned, I feel like I’m a horrible programmer.I don’t know what I’m doing anymore and I just want it all to stop

The anecdote that I’ve always given is: network. I was 25 and had no college degree. My big break was networking with other programmers in the area. Go to meetups or conferences (I lucked out in that a conference actually was held in my relatively small city), get your face out there. “So where do you work?” is a question that will pop up if you’re a new face. And when you say you’ve been trying but haven’t found anything, this may very well lead to something. What I can say didn’t work was throwing resumes/applications at jobs I found online. I can’t say for certain that this will work for you, but I wish I could have gone back in time and told my 21-year-old self to network more.

Nah. This is a textbook depression symptom. Failure is a state of mind. If you’re still fighting then you haven’t failed.

There is a chicken/egg discussion of if you’re depressed because you feel like you failed, or if you feel like you failed because you’re depressed. In my experience it’s neither & both, the two feelings feed off of each other.

You probably are. Or, you’re probably a lot better than you might feel like you are. And, you probably have a lot of potential. ADHD can be a pretty significant problem in my experience. I personally medicate with adderall, but some say diet and cardiovascular exercise is a more natural cure. There’s always nootropics like modafinil that you can try in lieu of hard stimulants.

Are you insured? Is it possible for you to see a psychiatrist or psychologist?

P.S. Fullmetal Alchemist is my shit.

I have started going to meet ups and ended up meeting a recruiter who’s been trying to help me find a job. It turns out I have moved to an area where there aren’t a lot of entry level position and the main language used here is not the one I know. Did try to own some on my own but lack motivation to keep doing it.

The main reason I feel like I failed everyone is because last month after not seeing my family since August I went back to Texas to visit them. I had to make a promise that if I don’t find anything from a year when I moved (August) I have to move back.

The ADD makes me feel like I work slower than everyone else and I process everything slower. I’ve tried medicine but never have been on it steadily, always on and off never finding what actually works.

I am still on my patents insurance and I’ve thought about doing that but I don’t know which I would go to.

Fullmetal Alchemist is amazing, I actually have a transmutation circle tattoo

Adderall works for me. Vyvanse worked for me as well in terms of productivity, but I found it to be very “robotic” and I became much less talkative and observant, always buried in work. Vyvanse also has no generic counterpart and might be a lot more expensive depending on your insurance. (It was $170 a bottle for me.) Everyone is different though, and I believe there are still other options like Concerta or Intuniv. Feeling slower without it is pretty textbook. I’m not a doctor but for me, the consistency of my work is dependent on stimulants.

Lack of jobs in your area can be a problem. It may be difficult without prior experience, but looking for a remote job e.g. https://weworkremotely.com/ could make the lack of local opportunities moot. One way to build up a de facto resume is to try to contribute to open source software. http://www.codetriage.com/ for example will show you where help is needed, and fixing bugs or adding features to projects like Rails might get you somewhere. I can’t attest personally to this, but it sounds viable theoretically.

In my opinion, you want to make as much use of your parents’ insurance while you have it! I know it can be hard to make and keep appointments with ADHD. You just need to get the ball rolling. You can try some kind of reminder app on your phone, or try to find someone who will nag you.

If you think living at home at 24 is shameful, try living at home when you’re almost 30. Maybe you can get an extension on your deadline (I don’t know who’s enforcing it) if you find a good lead before August.

On the topic of FMA, I always wanted to get Scar’s tattoos on both of my arms. I am reluctant because my arms are skinny as hell. The other disappointing aspect would be that I’d never be able to actually disintegrate stuff.

Hey Fullmetalmikel

Liam’s points are great and I don’t have a ton to add there. I just wanted to add, though, that sometimes when people are unemployed and looking for a job, some days they end up just kind of stuck at home waiting, and that can sort of exacerbate the “failure” feelings. If you have some spare time, you might consider doing something stimulating – volunteering somewhere locally, contributing to an open source project, or really any number of things to keep you feeling a sense of achievement with something. That’s really important for a lot of people.

In terms of finding a therapist, I recommend looking at the therapist directory on psychologytoday.com; you can find a litt bio and usually a few picture of lots of therapists in your directory. Some are clearer than others about their specialties and about insurance coverage. You probably don’t want to disclose your location publicly, but feel free to private message me if you’d like some more help in finding someone in your area…


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I never felt any medicine worked for me.

Thanks for the suggestions, I’ll take a look at those sites.

I don’t mind the moving so much cause they want me to move to Austin where I probably would have a better chance of finding an entry level job. Its the fact that I wasn’t able to find one here and having everyone worrying about me.

That would be a really cool tattoo