Hi everyone, I’m a long time lurker, first time poster.
My name is Sebastian, and I’ve been a web developer for 6 years. I started off designing Myspace pages for local bands in San Diego, and have since worked with several large companies, created multiple startups, and done loads of freelance work. For a long time, web development was what I thought made me happy, but recently I’ve been sincerely doubting if it’s something that I want to continue pursuing as a career.
I recently lost my job as the lead web developer for a major corporation in Oregon, and have been unemployed for nearly 3 months. My savings are all but gone, and I’ve had to sell a lot of the other things in my life that gave me temporary, artificial happiness - my Xbox One and my TV are some of those things.
I’ve been too proud to try looking for work outside of web development, and have been investing every ounce of my being trying to find more work as a developer. I’ve applied to so many places that I’ve lost count. I’ve dipped into my savings to try advertising myself locally as a freelancer. I’ve tried cold calls and emails. Nothing has resulted in any work for myself, and I’m nearing the end of my rope.
Every day that I can’t find work just feels more and more like the world is trying to persuade me to stop trying, and to just give up on my career. I’ve just been getting knocked down so many times, that I find myself not even wanting to try and get back up on my feet.
Now, just to clear the air about this, I am in-fact diagnosed with bipolar depression and anxiety.
Recent events have in no way whatsoever helped that fact. I keep telling myself that this is my fault, and that obviously I’m not as great a developer as I once thought I was, otherwise I would have had a job by now.
That may not be true, and I may just be acting out against myself because I have no other outlets, but it’s really difficult for me to think differently right now. I’m completely jaded, and am not really sure how I’m supposed to feel right now.
I’m not necessarily looking for advice. I mostly just needed to vent to someone who might be able to relate to me so I can feel less alone and scared for my future.
Thanks to anyone who may have read this. This is a great site, and I really appreciate the developers who put this together. You guys made a great site, and I’m sure it’s helped a lot of people.