Update
Family if behaving better , we went to therapy to overcome my uncle and grandmother loses .
I was quite desperate to leave my job and start coding , thinking I was going to learn and code like a pro , fortunately , coronavirus lockdown arrived to show me some truths .
I was sent to do home office , doing the same silly things for the same 8 hours , the anxiety was worst knowing I could use that time now that I was at home .
I realized that not even with my 2 hours extra I took in transportation , I was coding at home . At the end I realized my procrastination is not related to depression . My procrastination is related with anxiety . The procrastination was a form of evasion from my anxiety of coding . I noticed each time I have anxiety I start opening new chome tabs , opening books and distracting myself from the main goal .
I created a certification path in order to leverage my knowledge because the last 2 years I did´t code . While studying for my certs , I had a great startup idea and I´m working on some diagrams and ideas . But I realize that even if this was a great idea , I was evading my original certification plan .
Now the plan is easy , I need to complete my certification path it doesn’t matter if I’m still working or I left my job no matter what it takes .
If my theory is right , I will create different ways to evade the cert path , new hobbies , new habits , new startup ideas even new posts in this forum .
I have restricted my apps usage on android with timers , I modifed my hosts file on my mac in order to not use certain sites like youtube .
After I complete all certifications , I´ll take a time to decide what to do , even if I had good startup ideas , or even the idea to specialize in a programming language , all those ideas came from the evasion of facing the real goal .
If you read the first part of this post , you will see that my original goal was to create a startup , what leaves me with the question that the certification path is also a way to evade reality .
My reasoning tells me that I need a technical knowledge to create a cloud native startup , so I think this cert thing is kind of real . And was the first thing I thought when I realize that I was not coding for my own even on home office .
After the certs I will evaluate the next step