I’m a recent CS graduate who moved to a new country (primarily non-english speaking), and after no particular idea of what I wanted to specialise in, I chose a front-end web development job, and I’ve been working at a company for a few months.
I’ve suffered many mental health problems in the past, specifically around anxiety and bouts of depression, for context.
Essentially, in the work environment, after working there for a couple of months, I came to realise that many people had been fired, and people in the company are often worried about being fired. It’s a relatively small ‘start-up’, but towards the later end of their development. Whilst I’ve been there someone has been fired for no particular reason, so every day at work I am extremely anxious that I’m doing a bad job / I’m going to be fired. After speaking to others, they have said that people got fired in the past for no particular reason, and for some reason despite the amount of time they have worked there, they seem to have to leave immediately the next day. I think i’m doing an OK job, but it’s really hard to know, they don’t seem to give much feedback, and I have no clear manager.
One of the main problems I’ve found is that as I’m living in a non-english speaking country, and my fluency in the language is very low, I don’t get on very well with anyone in the work place. I also become really paranoid that people are speaking about me in their native language, and I worry lots about how i appear in front of the other staff members.
In addition to the above, I have generally been working about my career trajectory and whether I even like web development / coding. The company I work for isn’t working towards anything I’m passionate about.
This being my first job, I also have terrible anxiety around leaving - I feel terrified at the thought of even telling them I’m leaving, or how I’ll do it, as I feel like I will have let them down!
I was wondering if anyone could share any advice or similar stories that could help in this situation?
thanks for reading this!