Growing your family and staying sane

Hi, I’m new here, but I wish I’d found this place sooner! I think the following might be more of a vent even though I know I actually need advice, so any advice you can provide will be thoroughly appreciated.

For the entirety of my career so far I have had terrible work anxiety. Long story short, I’m on medication that helps a little bit and I’ve learned a lot of ways to cope with it, but of course there are days that are just a complete wash because of my anxiety - I’m sure others are familiar with taking days off abruptly and dreading the morning you have to report back.

Anyway, I am a female developer in my late 20’s working a job that gives me a large amount of anxiety every day. Despite this anxiety, I, like many other women, want to be a mother someday. And now that day seems to be sooner than later. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, about how I want to start a family with my husband, but I provide our primary income (without it we would barely afford our basic expenses) and I am terrified that I will not be able to handle my job while also growing a human being in my body.

I thought I’d be better off worrying about it now and making a plan than to wait till I’m happily pregnant but failing at my basic job duties, so that’s why I’m here now. I know that there is guaranteed time off for parental leave, but I have anxiety so I just have no idea what to expect for the months before the baby is born, and like I said I’m not confident I will be able to handle it. I thought about trying to get a different job that is less demanding for less pay, but that seems like it would be hurtful to my future family. My job already pays less than ‘industry standard’. I also have extreme anxiety around interviews, so it is a huge drain on my mental health.

I don’t even know what advice I’m seeking, but I guess I just wanted to put this worry out into the universe and maybe see if anyone here has experience either being pregnant with a demanding job, or if you have a spouse that has gone through a similar situation? Or anything else really … :upside_down_face:

Thanks for reading.

Hi ,

I would suggest to save some money before jumping into another less demanding job or becoming pregnant . The more money you save the less anxious I think you will be . Try to keep a remote job in order to take care of your child and be in less contact with people that makes you anxious .

Be aware of the origins of your anxiety in order to focus your effort into reducing it . Maybe improving your skills in order to be less anxious in the interviews can be a first step . And once you believe are proficient in your job and has some job stability , then you could think into becoming pregnant.

Also talk with your husband to find new ways of income to reduce the dependency of your job .


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I am a mother and the first trimester in pregnancy could be draining. Treat the anxiety before getting pregnant because even though people have different experiences the first trimester can be difficult and the postnatal period.

Try and find something that you enjoy in your work. Tech world is always evolving hence quite demanding but if you focus on the positivity you might be less anxious.

I wish you all the best as you try to find some balance and remember if you believe you can, you are halfway there.

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