Well were to start, I’m 28, 4 years since my graduation I manage to nab my first software development role as a Trainee Software Developer helping a relatively small team of software developers replace a large amount of legacy code and work on new apps.
Anyway, long story short, I’ve been at this job for just over six months now. I have certainly made some leaps and bounds during my time here but I cannot shrug the feeling that I am not grasping it and/or my code isn’t as ‘elegant’ as my peers. I find myself making a number of ‘school boy errors’ and no matter how much I convince myself not to - take everything to heart.
I became a parent during my time at Uni and consider myself confident and determined when it comes to overcoming particular obstacles but lately I am literally burnt out and lacking the drive, questioning myself consistently!
Another developer was taken on at the same time as me and he just seems to storm through each task and I cant help but compare myself with him. He picks up the terminology and business logic a lot quicker than I do and I’m beginning to think “is it me?”.
I can code, I know I can certainly code but I cannot help but think whether I am good enough. I dread the day that I may be let go and think that if I beat my employer to the punchline quitting would be better than being let go. I think this even though I’ve not really had any particularly harsh scoldings or pep talks on particular errors I have made. The introduction to design patterns was somewhat overwhelming but I feel like I scraped through coding to particular patterns.
I’ve certainly read and tried to take on board what people say about it gets easier but right now I really feel like throwing in the towel its getting me down that much! My wife reassures me and is really supportive but right now I feel like such a let down, shes put her career on hold so I could have the opportunity to be the bread winner and right now I feel like I’m in a lose/lose situation. I feel like i’m on thin ice at the moment and its about to break. The level of anxiety I feel about this job role is unbelievable and right now I really do feel like taking the easy way out I get that worked up, the business logic and terminology adds to the crisis.
Dont get me wrong there are the good days, but the good:bad ratio is pretty unbalanced at the moment.
As a developer with only my academics under my belt and no other commercial experience im presuming this is somewhat normal? Are there any of you coding folk out there that have taken a walk in my shoes.