I can't handle anything anymore - I really need help

I dropout from high school when I was 15, not because I wanted but because my father wanted. I say to him that I didn’t wanted to leave the school, when I confronted him he say to me something like “I currently speaked with the school principal and I’m not going to speak with him again because that will break my image of superiority over you” or something like that. I was shocked when he say that, it was like saying that his image was more important that his son future.

I don’t remember really well what where his “reasons” to get me out of school, but I did remember that I was a mess. My mother died of cancer when I was 14, they where divorced and I was living with her in a different city. When she died he didn’t even think of moving, or moving us, he leave me and my sister living with a uncle (my mother’s brother). I was alone, I mean, my uncle whas there and all, but he’s an older guy, with his own problems and was very depressed, my mother was the only direct family that he had left.

The thing is that I retreated to my computer and started to learn a lot of things. And my father didn’t like that. He started insulting me, even to the point of breaking that computer. He someway had an obsession of trying to make people his way and only his way. He one day say to me “get some friends and stop living in that computer” so one day I come with some “friends” from school and he was in my home and started insulting me “what are you doing with those people? You didn’t see that they are stupid? Do you want to be stupid like them? Put yourself to study.” So well, I put myself to study because I need to “repair” some classes (they called it that way in my country) but I needed a teacher because I didn’t know how to get started so I asked him for money for that teacher and he say “No. Get a book, I’m not going to throw money.” The worst is that I didn’t have any book, and I didn’t have internet in my home at that moment. So I finally get some money from one friend of my mother and I pay the teacher (one week before the “repair”). Of course I fail, and I repeated that year. What did my father say? “I didn’t helped you because I knew that you were going to fail.” I had almost two months to study but he denied the help.

So I ended in the same school repeating the last year course. I was a mess but I somehow managed to pass that year. But then my father say that he wasn’t signing me up for the next year, that I needed to “put myself together” or something like that, I was WTF?. And that is how we get to my current situation. I fighted with him, my uncle fighted with him, everyone fighted with him, but he somehow managed to convince everyone that “his decision was right” or people finally decided to ignore him I don’t know. I didn’t want to leave the school but he was unwilling in his decision.

At that moment I was doing web pages with PHP and MySQL, so I find a job with a friend of my mother that has a programming business and he get me some simple jobs. I was 16 at that moment. But that job didn’t last too much. I started to do other class of jobs, finding people that needed web pages or things, local university students that needed help programming and things like that. I even build a software with a friend and we go out to the street, store by store, offering it to people. And from a moment to other my father started saying something like "When are you going back to school? You are losing your time! Go back to school. Pay it yourself and go back! You should never leave the school. " It was something like that everyweek. I was confused, I was “WTF? You get me out of school and then say that I should never leave the school, when In the first place that was what I wanted, stay in school”.

The time passed and I was very frustrated, no money, no friends, nothing. So he somehow managed to get me to do some software for him and his business. I was a 17yo building a CRM or something like that, and somehow I managed to do it. Of course with a lot of time in between. The thing is that the software was crap. I worked in the worst of the conditions, programming while there where costumers of his business behind me, programming in my shitty computer (A pentium IV with 1gb of ram, in 2013). But the software does his job. But he is never happy. From 2013 to 2015, there where a lot of changes. He put me to do something, I do it, and them say to me “I don’t like it. Change it. Do it that way.”, and it was like that 3 or 4 times for every section of the software.

Finally it worked, and he uses it everyday, but he is never happy. The software has a part that control products, an inventory. It works, but he somehow managed to find an “error” I don’t know. It’s really something he don’t liked so he call it an “error”. And he want me to change all again, he want me to build a different database, to build a different part for it, and he is blackmailing me, saying that if I don’t do that the government tax agency or something like that is going to close his business, and my 2yo sister won’t have nothing to eat, and he would having nothing left. The thing is that the fucking software works, the thing is that he can do his shit with it, but he don’t want. I don’t know what is waiting he for.

He buy a machine that is required by that “government tax agency” in my country. The shit don’t work with PHP, so I managed to put it to work with Python, I build some kind of “bridge” between the main software and the Python module for the machine. The machine works more slow than it should, but well, that Is all I can do. And he didn’t like it. He say “that he don’t like the speed”, he save the machine and start doing invoices with some forms. And now? He’s blackmailing me again. Same story. Government is going to come and close his business. 2yo sister is gonna starve to death. He say that I need to build a software with C++ for the machine. I don’t know C++. He asked me “how much time take you to learn C++?”. I don’t know. He didn’t even leave me to answer that and say “I need you to do that fast, I give you one week to learn C++ and write the software on It.” WTF? Again, WTF?.

He’s constantly blackmailing me and I don’t now what to do. I’m a 20yo, with no friends, with no money. The worst part? I programmed so bad that software that all my skills became obsolete or full of bad practices. I started hating programming, but I don’t want to. I really like it.

I’m now learning Django and really love it and want to do things with It but I’m so fucking anxious with my father constant blackmail. I really don’t know what he want from me. He destroyed my life and is puting me in a constant anxious situation. I’m started thinking he hates me and is only using me for my knwoledges.

He didn’t even pay me for the software and he don’t give me money. There are days that I have nothing to eat and he don’t care. He only want me to write code for him. I sometimes find some jobs and he start insulting me saying “that my priority is working with him”.

Starting this year he fired an employee and blackmail me into working with him in his business. He put me to do all kind of stupid tasks, like buying groceries for his wife and made coffee for him, cleaning the store windows and doing things like that. And of course he wanted that in the meantime I writed code for him.

I’m so fucking frustrated. My sister is in medical school, my other sister (his daughter) is almost finishing the high school and is going to go to the university. My brother (his other son) is living in another country, with a real good job. All my cousins are in the university, studying their careers. And I’m here, confined to a room, with no friends, with nothing, constantly being blackmailed by him. I feel like everyone is out there living their lives and my only future is work with him and constantly being mistreated. My family look at me like I’m a failure. I look at me like I’m a failure. But what most frustrated me is that I didn’t choose to be a failure, he put me in this situation. He destroyed my fucking life.

He’s now manipulating me with that “government tax agency” shit and I feel really anxious because I don’t want them to close his business but, sorry, I don’t know what to do and don’t know what is what he wanted, but I know that he isn’t stupid and that if he wanted he could solve the problem that he has. But he don’t want that. He really like to evade his responsibilities (like leaving us alone when my mother died).

I live in a very particular south america country and that put me in another very bad situation. But I really don’t care about that. I want to do things, to go out, to write code I want to write, to have food to eat, to live my fucking live. I’m tired of being confined in a room 24/7.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so fucking frustrated.

Sorry if I have a typo, I’m not a native speaker.

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I don’t blame you for being frustrated. I’m frustrated by your plight just reading it.

I wish I had actual resources that you could tap into to assist you in leaving your situation. It sounds like your father has a lot of issues and is taking advantage of you in many ways. I would encourage you to take steps to separate yourself from his influence in whatever way possible, if you feel it can be done in a safe manner.

It sounds like you have some serious skills and accomplishments under your belt. I wouldn’t discredit that out there in the world.

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I agree with @allisonplus: You seem to have a decent set of skills that should let you get hired as a web developer with a decent salary. The main problem seems to be with your father. Not having any money in this situation seems unfortunate. If there is some way you could get some money (perhaps a loan from a sympathetic relative) I would encourage to move out as soon as possible. Try to get a job, even if it is low-paying, or temporary, find your own place and cut ties with your father. You will still be on your own, and you will have to work hard at whatever job you get, and live really frugally for a while, but at least your father won’t be in control of your life.

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