I'm Depressed And i don't know why

I’m depressed, i don’t know why. but it’s been going for weeks. But now it got a lot worse because my GPA result is 89. I feel empty i feel lost I’ve just watched my life go a way my dreams destroyed i don’t know what to do? I really do. How can i fix this. There’s been a mystic with my result in chemistry I’ve scored 96 but they give me 86. Sunday I’ll go talk to them but i fear they will set me up. Now I’m desperately trying to lose weight so i can go to the National Guard school. I hate it but what if, that is a question been going in my mind. What if i didn’t get accepted in medical school. What if i didn’t get accepted in the National Guard school.
I say it again: i don’t know what to do.

There are multiple reasons which can depress you:

  • clinical depression: it’s a disease, just for the mind.
  • eating to less or lesser than usual
  • sleeping to less
  • less sun, less movement
  • overworking
  • loss of a family member

and so on.

If you feel seriously depressed in a way you consider suicide, please go and see a doctor. Right in this second. If you feel so hopeless you don’t believe you find a way out, do the same.

In some cases it helps to speak to a real, living person you trust.

Generally speaking - and I am not a doctor, so this is no medical advise - I can tell you what happened to me.

I am turning 40 in 3 years or so. When I was very young, I wanted to become a rock musician. Then some kind of rock star. Then I tried to make a business with medieval games (which almost worked! just not well enough). Where I live studying is pretty easy. But I couldn’t effort it. I wanted to become researcher and diver, even before I wanted to become a musician. I became a programmer. I am good with my job, but I will never become a super-hero. It turned out I can speak to people and organise things. But not in a way I can become a master-manager. It seems I can have some fun, really, but I will never become some kind of Elon Musk, Zuckerberg whoever.

And that’s ok.

I have seen my dreams come and go. They change over time.

Today I am practicing Zen. I play japanese bamboo flutes. Just for me. No more rock stars.

The thing with dreams is: work hard for them, but don’t stay attached. If they are not working out, go a different path. Until it works out. If you can’t join the National Guard school, then you can’t. With your interest you might be a valuable part of another group then. But now is not the time to think about. Now is the time to practice so you can get it in.

One more note: if you manage to go to the National Guard school, you don’t have any guarantees that you will like it there. Be prepared things look different from inside.

What I want to say: feeling good, lucky and healthy is not related to be part of the National Guard. It’s usually related to having slept well, some kind of shelter when it rains and being able to eat some good food.

Don’t forget to see a doctor or therapist if you feel like that. Otherwise fight for your dreams and move on to the next, if the first one doesn’t work out.

Good luck!