Due to my past depression issues I’m in a weird spot with my job.
My issues (when not on meds) are: attention deficit, tiredness and irregular sleep. I think the sleep thing is connected with my IBS-C (irregular bowel syndrome) - I’m sometimes sleepy or just extremely tired during the day, sometimes I’m wide awake at night etc, which leads to non-24 circadian rhythm (usually about 25-26h).
I used to work in-office for 160h, then it went to 120hours a month, then I started working remotely, then it went down to 80h, and then it went to ~60h. I’m paid by the hour. My employer was patient about it, we had some discussions and they tried to adapt. I must have been a valuable employee.
Now I work remotely (even though office is only 8km away), and I contact with my employer/PM mostly by mail and task management sites.
1.5 month ago I started doing Wellbutrin XR again, but this time only 150 and with hydroxyzine for sleep (I was on WB XR 300 a year ago, and it was too much for my heart, I was too irritable and I was still sleeping irregularly). It seems to work well now, my sleep cycle got almost regular, I can concentrate better, and sleepiness during the day is not as bad as it used to be. It’s not perfect, but, you know, it’s certainly a decent progress.
Thing is, recently there is less tasks than I could be doing - I have to ask for anything to do, and then if I have any questions I have to wait at least a full day for an answer. I feel like I spend more time asking and waiting than developing things. Basically, they are only giving me tasks that involve things that I worked previously on, because it would take longer to anyone else. I’m usually working with integrating our clients with specific program, but I guess our new clients don’t need that.
It’s not like they don’t have things to be done - they are currently looking for new employees.
I tried telling them that I recently feel better, am more reliable and available every day from 2pm or earlier, they said it’s cool and stuff, but it didn’t really help.
My problem is: I don’t have any money left. I need at least 80-90 hours of work, but it looks like I will accumulate at most 60-70 again. I’m already below 0 at the end of the month.
Plus my current job really burns me out: the tasks are mundane and not rewarding and I’m not learning anything new.
I tried looking for any remote or non-160hours job, but I can’t find any. I’m playing with the idea of finding a new regular job, but I’m afraid whether I would be up to it. I guess it would be enough of motivation to adjust my sleep schedule if it’s almost working without any external pressure at all. Maybe my IBS could be contained if I would be cautious. But I’m just not sure.
I feel really stuck.
Have you been in a similar situation? Any advices or ideas?