Yeah I feel similar to what you do. I don’t know if you’re familiar with Myers-Briggs type indicators, but it might be an INFP contra INTP thing. I tested as INFP myself, but I suspect INTP might be most common in this industry. Not saying one is better than the other, there are definitely different strengths in each.
Like you I find it hard to talk to coworkers about programming and CS in general.
I would be more comfortable if recruiters had taken the time to look deeper than a list of skills and a brief personality judgment.
Also, I don’t know if you feel the same, but back when studying I found it easier to feel valued. Do good in lectures, assignments, exams => get good grades and feel appreciated.
At work I find it very different. I can spend days on a hard problem but the result is not appreciated, as the stakeholders (at least where I’m at) only value progress and what they can see.
As you say (and also in line with the above) only people who already have the experience get tasks that deal with that field - stakeholders don’t want to take chances like that.
Have you considered other avenues of CS, working at a univ or other kinds of tutoring?