Thus far, in my life, I have had nothing but non-programming related jobs. Currently I have been working over five years in a warehouse, but for longer I’ve wanted to program for a living. Specifically, I want to develop my own games in a small self-made business, which probably deeply contributes to my lack of success, but it’s difficult for me to want anything else as it’s been my dream since I was small.
I believe I have some technical competency, though I’ve never actually completed college courses on computer science or programming, nor do I have strong mathematical grades. I can actually understand the mathematics, and my test scores always demonstrated incredible competence in these skills, but I have a powerful psychological barrier, where when I’m at home, I cannot get myself to work. I never handed in homework, to the point where teachers didn’t even ask. Whether I succeeded in a class was dependent on how much weight that individual educator placed on homework. If it was a lot, I failed, and if it was less, I aced the course. Essentially regardless of the subject, if there was a strong emphasis on homework I got low grades, and if there was weak emphasis I achieved high grades. Due to this, and due to my lack of formal education in computers, I have never made an ideal candidate for technology employers.
However, it is not as though I cannot get this machine to behave the way I want it to. I can write nearly whatever you ask me. I can and have administered servers, created my own circuit boards, wrote computer games, and taken contracts for development. But I don’t feel like I really know this stuff though. I don’t know how to write hardware drivers, for example. The most I’ve done in microcontroller programming is playing with an Arduino. And I have literally never touched PHP despite it’s prevalence.
I have no college degree, no experience in the industry, and I will soon be 30 years old. Should I give up on a life in computers? Is there more I need to study? What good are any of my skills? Did I just waste my youth on a pipe dream, or do I just need to kick myself in my own ass and do something special or different?
Thank you for your valuable time!