I have no real friends and I feel like my whole family doesn’t like me. I guess I’m just a bother to everyone. I’m kinda just stuck being numb
Making friends sometimes can be hard and scaring specially for someone who is feeling insecure or depressed.
Im sure your family loves you and wants the best for you. Try to listen to them even if you dont agree.
Also, be patient, kind and respectful towards other people and in time im sure you will find your way into their hearts. Dont be numb and dont wait to people come to you. Take a little initiative now and then and see where it takes you.
Remember, be always kind and caring and people will come to you. Make sure you smell really good when it happens!
Dont be hard on yourself. There are times in life we lose a little grip in ourselves. It’s ok.
Something I heard the other day really made an impact on me - that when we’re dealing with mental illness, it’s easy to feel like we’re the only ones going through it. Yet mental illness is one of the highest prevailing illnesses in the US compared to physical illnesses. Here’s a talk that helped me out too:
I think our instincts when we have mental illnesses is to retreat into our own corners and try not to be a bother to anyone else. It’s really hard to talk about these things. When I was a teenager I had scared my mother with thoughts of suicide more than once. Now that I’m an adult, I haven’t told her about those feelings re-surfacing again because I don’t want to scare her. She’s currently going through cancer, and the last thing I want her to do is worry about me. She’s what keeps me going actually and those feelings have passed for the most part, just some anxiety and down days here and there, but I’m much better now than I was a year-ish ago when she got diagnosed. So because I can’t really tell her, I write in journals. I have a bunch. Some are notes to her that she’ll never read, some are notes to people I once knew and lost touch with that I miss, some are lists of things I’m grateful for, some are just to-do lists for how to get through that day. All I ever do is write and it helps.
And coming into communities like this are helping. I have social anxieties so I always think people think I’m a complete idiot - but finding online communities I like and making friends there help.
It’s also hard to make good quality friends. I don’t think we’re supposed to have hundreds of awesome friends. Most people are just acquaintances so just finding one person you click with is enough to be grateful for. It will take time of course. In my case, my best friend also has mental illnesses that affect her so knowing I can talk to someone else about my feelings without feeling like “I’m crazy” helps me so much. We help each other out - share techniques and hear each other out.
And I met her in an anime community where we bonded and eventually became real life friends. So def don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. If meeting people in person is intimidating, find something you love online, a forum or community, and you’d be surprised on how many people you can get to know. Just be your awesome self and give it time. I’m sure you already have people that care for you as well. It’s gonna be okay! Good luck with everything - rooting for you on my end!