Hi, everybody. Just found out about this website and the idea behind it’s pretty amazing. Thanks for whoever did that.
Just like everybody else in here, i feel a lot depressed and I think it has something to do with my software developer career. You see, I’ve started as kid, around 13 years old, messing around with C and stuff. It was incredibly fun at the time. Most of my friends were spending their time going out, parties and stuff and I was the one checking upon the internet for more informations about how to handle regular expressions in perl.
The software developer career fell natural at the time, I was pretty proud of myself. I was pretty young - around 18 years old - and I was making more money than my friends. It fell like I was super smart and everything was in the right place.
It’s funny, 6 years has passed until now - I should be fixing some issues now - I’m here, fulling around on the web, looking for resources to deal with this shit. Last year I had a very serious depression incident. I was stuck, completely hopeless and I didn’t understand why. I’m from Brazil and I was working for a client in New York City. So I ended up going up there to work for a 3 months season. Everybody was so proud of me, because it’s not that common to have opportunities like this one. What they didn’t know was that experience was probably one of the worst of my entire life. I was pretty fucked up, mentally and physically. So went back, quit the job and decided work by myself. It didn’t work out either. I wasn’t pretty good at manage myself. So went back and start to work for a huge company here Brazil. I was pretty excited, ended like being best than the others and it turns out I became a tech lead. Worst time ever again. Working fucking 14 hours per day and not making much money out of it. So, I quit again. It became a very common process. Now I’m working for another startup from NYC, but I feel like they don’t expect much from me, since I’m usually slower than the others. It’s just fucked for someone who believed being a astonishing developer few years back.
So I started to question myself. If I’m afraid of things or I’m just not good enough. I know it has something to do with depression but I feel like a completely lost my confidence. It seems like I was more mature and responsible when I was younger and now, with more experience I just feel like shit.
Somehow it feel a bit better when I came across this website and I feel like I should be doing something about it. In a strange way, I wanna understand how that happen and how I can help others to deal with it as well. Specially in or field.
Maybe we can all do something together and turn this into a better thing. I don’t know. But even though I’ll probably never see your faces, I feel better to able to share this with you all.