Hoping this is somewhere to find compassion and support.
I have C-PTSD.
Recently, a social media interaction triggered me and sent my life careening. There was a misunderstanding, that person over-reacted, likely due to their own PTSD, and their reaction triggered my own PTSD dissociative episode. When I looked back at the conversations, my responses were recognizable to a point but then some became angry and didn’t align with my memory of the incident. I remember feeling silenced, erased, and worthless.
This aligned with the violent sexual assault from two years ago. After I reported that assault the rapist threatened my life. He’s a trained sniper and other things he said gave his threat weight. I moved away to escape. The crushing fear hasn’t let up, and I tried finding a therapist and support groups but no calls were returned and I’m still on wait lists for groups.
This social media incident scared me and when I saw the anger in my words but didn’t remember feeling that way, I immediately went to the ER, followed their suggestion to go to a PTSD ward, and during that hospitalization, found a therapist.
Since then I look back at the past 8 years and see how the C-PTSD impacted my sense of safety at work and in relationships. I’m devastated. I didn’t know it was happening all these years. It’s caused instability throughout my life. I’m going to work with the new therapist and found an al-anon group to attend as an alternative to the type of support group I attended in my previous city.
The social media incident, the other person took their misunderstanding to greater levels, technically libeling me and inspired others to contact a conference I was scheduled to speak at and my employer. I lost my speaking invitation and my job. Talk about anxiety & PTSD, things are intense.
What I’m wondering is, has anyone else had PTSD impacted life so greatly, and found a way to recover? I’m afraid I’ll never be rid of this crushing fear, that I’ll continue to feel afraid of coworkers, and be unable to communicate effectively.
If you recognize the social media incident, please, please, have compassion. Much of what is being said is not true or a misunderstanding from when the PTSD colored my response. I’m working to address things, and also now believe social media & PTSD are a dangerous combination.