Way cool that you’ve been able to get two jobs successfully after being self-taught. As an outside observer, I don’t know how accurate “I screwed up both of them” but it would seem to me that you stayed at each job for 2-3 years. People who don’t add value aren’t kept on the team for 2 years. Another thing I would say is that you’ve successfully gotten a job twice. The first time you had 0 experience, the second time you only had the experience of your first job. Right now your resume looks great compared to someone who has 0 years of experience. Every new job you get from here on out will be easier because of the experience you’ve accumulated. In my experience the problems you face three months from now will be different than the problems you’re currently facing. Keep applying. Keep trying. Life sucks sometimes, but you can do it. You can keep going.