Screwed up everything and my repuation

Been studying how to program on my own for almost 5 years now, i was only able to get two jobs but i screwed up both of them.

i don’t see myself doing anything else in life like my s***** programs I’m pretty much a useless idiot who lives in a 3rd world country with zero hopes for a better future

Way cool that you’ve been able to get two jobs successfully after being self-taught. As an outside observer, I don’t know how accurate “I screwed up both of them” but it would seem to me that you stayed at each job for 2-3 years. People who don’t add value aren’t kept on the team for 2 years. Another thing I would say is that you’ve successfully gotten a job twice. The first time you had 0 experience, the second time you only had the experience of your first job. Right now your resume looks great compared to someone who has 0 years of experience. Every new job you get from here on out will be easier because of the experience you’ve accumulated. In my experience the problems you face three months from now will be different than the problems you’re currently facing. Keep applying. Keep trying. Life sucks sometimes, but you can do it. You can keep going.

What makes you think that you are useless? Everybody fails, that’s totally human and no job is permanent now. I too screwed up my 1st job after working for 6 months. But my patience got me another job 2 years later. I was totally unemployed in between and at times I also assumed that I don’t fit anywhere. But time and luck is not the same forever. So just calm down and don’t loose hope. Sooner or later all will be settled.

First of all , everything is temporary , even your bad feelings . You need to get aware of then and try to control them . Second , don’t go to hard on yourself , software development is quite complex even if you just push ifs and fors it requires a lot of concentration , just keep coding . And last ,find resources to learn and try to do what is better for your learning instead of keeping with bad resources and practices that just waste your time . If coding is your dream go for it , otherwise your dream will always live with you only as a memory .