I was just laid off last week unexpectedly due to the agency I worked for deciding to “re-structure”. Although I’d been thinking of leaving for a while, I was waiting for the right opportunity came along until I guess life made the decision for me.
I’ve been successfully managing my depression after falling into it pretty deep starting about a year and a half ago. Well I guess successful depending on who you ask, but I’m not crying over the stove-top while I cook dinner and managing to actually go to work even though I could never seem to make it on time as waking up was one of my biggest obstacles.
Anyway, I managed it with a mix of whole foods, natural supplements and I found a really great counselor.
Now that I’ve been laid off, my week has gone to shit (excuse the french) along with my mental state.
I’ve been trying to apply to jobs, but either I don’t meet all of their requirements, or I’m trying to aim for remote since I realize the hourly tracking and long commute isn’t helping my mental state. It’s time consuming, not to mention most developer jobs aren’t simply sending a resume, it’s a multiple step process.
I ran out of my supplement for mental focus/anxiety a week before I got laid off. Can’t afford more.
Now that I’m laid off, I can’t afford to go crazy buying groceries, especially organic and actually healthy groceries, and am now just buying/eating what I can even if it was on my “restricted” list because I don’t have a choice anymore. I’m also trying to hold off to see if I can get food stamps.
Been back and forth trying to apply for food stamps and unemployment, and whatever assistance I can get. Unemployment won’t let me claim till next week so odds are I won’t be getting a cent out of them till the following week. Food stamps were supposed to call me for an interview earlier this week. Never did. Woke up super early this morning to go there in person just for them to tell me to go back home and they’d call me for the interview. SURPRISE! They still didn’t call. So now I have to go AGAIN tomorrow morning and the food in my pantry is slowly dwindling. I just received my last paycheck today. I no longer have any source of income.
I only have around 300 savings and my microwave broke yesterday as well. Can’t afford to fix that issue either.
I also had to cancel all doctor’s appointments including my counseling appointments because I can no longer afford it.
I no longer have health insurance.
I had to either cancel, postpone or downgrade multiple bills.
Also about to run out of vitamins. This is really sucky.
Oh my god I am trying to be strong and patient, but those numbers in my account are a discouraging thing.
Meanwhile my significant other who is also unemployed and we’re both looking for work, is accusing me of slacking because I’m not there day and night hovering over the computer applying to every job in existence blindly. He’s not a developer so he doesn’t understand that it’s not a matter of just applying to them ALL and hoping one will work out.
One job is in the works and it’s remote, so that’s great, except there’s no sick days - just 12 PTO days a year which terrifies me because 1) I get sick, a lot and 2) my mother has cancer, and I tend to be needed by her as well. Just next week I’m picking her up from chemo because my father for laid off as well and ended up at a job where he no longer gets the days off that she has chemo. So she has no one to pick her up from chemo anymore and I can only do it for now because I’m unemployed. Anyway, so 12 days doesn’t seem like it’ll cut it, but it’s the best chance I have right now at working as nothing else has reached out to me aside from the vague hourly jobs recruiters spam me with for skillsets I don’t possess. And that’s IF they even decide to hire me after this long process.
Now my impostor syndrome is at an all time high and the clock is ticking till my Tree House account subscription gets paused as I had to do that since I can’t afford to keep paying for it for now. It’s hard to sit there and learn though when you’re desperately trying to find work that won’t interfere with your mental illness, and you’re wondering how many days you have until you no longer have money. My lease is about to renew as well in a month along with my electric bill’s level payment renewing. Which means a rent raise and updated deposit along with possibly owing electric if I went over throughout the year.
Sorry I’m ranting but I just needed to let it out. Right now I’m gonna eat a tuna sandwich and just try to keep on. I don’t expect anyone to have magical solutions. Am I just being too picky by not wanting to commute anymore? I don’t know what to do… I’m tired…