I am new here. I feel like if I don’t ask this question to like-minded individuals soon, I might do something I would regret.
I was diagnosed with BD 2 when I was 11 or 12.
For the past 7 months, I have been extremely depressed and have had suicidal thoughts near daily. It’s gotten to the point where I sat on my bed one night and tide a noose just to put it back in my closet. I get to that point and then my rational brain starts functioning at a higher level for whatever reason. I guess it is human instinct to not want to die.
I have chosen to self-medicate with cannabis for the past 7 - 8 years. Prior to that, I took a form of depression pill/mood stabilizer. Not sure what it was called. I’ve been off meds for ~8 years and I am beginning to wonder if it’s doing me more harm than good.
My mental illness has indirectly affected my work for the past year and I have been doing a shit job at performing at my highest level. Normally I would be killing it at work and be progressing quicker, but I feel that the depression is getting the best of me. I feel stuck in a black hole for hours on end. So to get out of it I try smoking some wax which usually would help but I honestly feel like smoking as much as I have been is putting a damper on my memory, my clarity, and my happiness to an extent.
I am writing this to reach out for help.
I know weed isn’t going to kill me but maybe I need to ease back and hop on some meds that might help with the depression, BD, and anxiety.
(Note: I’m 26 years old, I am financially stable, don’t have many stressors in life, single, travel monthly, and have friends and family who love and care for me. I’m just stuck and need help.)