I just joined after lurking for quite a while. I’m struggling and it sucks and I’m not used to feeling like this.
I have depression and am on day 5 off my medication and I feel so down. I am also seeing a therapist.
I’m taking a great but challenging course to round out my skills as a developer and I feel so overwhelmed and like everyone else is grasping it an gets it while I’m struggling to do the basics.
I know intellectually that this isn’t the case but it doesn’t stop my feelings from running rampant. I don’t know how to turn off the negativity and self doubt. Before my depression I was someone who was my own biggest cheerleader, I was peppy and I genuinely believed in myself and my grit and my drive. Right now, all those things are dried up and I feel lost. This sucks.
I worked on this project for many years and I thought I was doing a great job. As it turns out, I was only doing a great job because I was locked in my own little bubble where as long as things worked it was ok and I had people to protect me from reality. I lost that job and now I’m in the real world. I’ve had 2 interviews and they have both been absolute disasters. I fall apart and can’t solve the simplest problems.
Everyone seems to learn stuff so quickly while I struggle with everything. I’ve been without work for over 6 months now and I will need to sell my house. I have constant panic attacks about my future.
I am in the process of seeking counseling and medication but that will take some time.
Like you, I always thought I was highly skilled and competent. I’m hoping it’s just the anxiety and depression and that it’s not actually true.
@downandout, tech interviews are known to not proper measure skills, just like standardized tests are not effective to measure cognitive abilities - google for “tech interviews are bullshit”.
Interviews aside, there is a general idea spread out in tech companies that software quality goes beyond “just work” but also satisfy several other standards (from arbitrary peer reviews to well documented design patterns.) In my past experience, becoming a professional software engineer, at least for major companies, is how well and fast I could get adjusted to those standards.