Last February, I made a decision to quit my job because of disrespectful behavior from my boss. Insults, both polite and harsh, and public shaming were the norm in that environment. After a round of F-bombs and insults made about my work and character, I decided I’ve had enough of it and left. I was doing well financially at the time and thought I would have no trouble finding another job.
Five months later, I still haven’t found a job. I have applied at several companies, but only a few have responded. Out of those that have responded, only 2 have moved forward with the interview process. They gave me code assessment projects, which I completed promptly, and they said I did a good job. They brought me in for on-site interviews. They said I did well on those interviews, that I have the skills, and that I fit their culture. Even one of them told me that they wanted to extend an offer, but I never heard back from them afterwards, not even after following up several times. The rest of the companies to which I have applied, only a few have contacted me for a phone screening and they have resulted in nothing. I have applied at local companies, out-of-state companies to which I was willing to relocate at my own expense, remote companies, all ending in the same result: nothing.
As the gap between jobs increases, my chances of finding another job decrease. As my savings run out, I’m starting to lose my mind and wonder if I should continue to pursue opportunities as a front-end developer or just give up. Being a lot older than most fresh-out-college kids doesn’t help. Apparently, experience is a bad thing to have these days. Being of Hispanic origin makes things even worse because it raises questions about citizenship (which I have) and visas (which I don’t need because I was born, raised, and lived all my life in the US) that most people make the wrong assumptions. The thought of calling it quits breaks me because I have spent the last 12 years of my life learning stuff and getting better at what I do. I don’t know anything else other than software development. There are so many things I kept myself from doing that I used to enjoy, lots of missed opportunities, relationships ruined, all in order to stay competitive in my profession, and all to end up in the same position I was when I started. It’s even worse now because I have student loans to pay, car payments, I’m officially homeless, have no health insurance, and all my possessions are rotting in a storage unit. Thankfully, I don’t have children. I can’t imagine what they would think of me if I did. The only reason why I have not taken my life is because I don’t want my family and friends to remember me as a coward. My cousin has been kind enough to let me and my cat stay at her house for as long as I need. That is more likely until my savings run out. I don’t want to put her in a difficult position. People say I should persevere, stay positive, and something will come out. It is because of my perseverance that I am in this situation today, and I hate it.
I’m writing all this, hoping for someone to read it and talk some sense into me since I don’t have anybody who understands how I feel. I have suffered from depression since I can remember. I feel there is nothing I can do to make things better. I truly hope that I’m wrong.
If anybody reads this, thank you for reading. Any advice is very much welcome.