I am in my mid 20s, and I have been programming professionally for around 6 years (as a hobby for more than 10 years). I do remote contract work part time and work as a 9-5 software dev full time. I want to start my own small software company one day to gain more independence.
I have never had a problem getting work, and I always get complemented in my abilities and performance. But I am absolutely miserable 3 months into every job I get. Sure they aren’t perfect jobs, but I think it has more to do with me than the jobs themselves.
I have a horrible time with normal life commitments. I can go weeks without eating just because im focused on something else. I have had 2 cars towed away and owned by the towing company, because I was too preoccupied to actually go to the towing company and talk to the people to get my car back. I also have trouble making or keeping any friendships. As you probably guessed I have also never had anything close to a romantic relationship. Something that as I get older is a constant source of frustration.
I have a family history (both sides and immediate) for the following: depression, suicide, schizophrenia, bipolar, ocd, alcoholism etc.
I mainly want to learn how to meet people and not have a looming cloud of depression and thoughts of suicide plague me constantly.
Things I have tried that helped me:
- I have been doing a strength training program for 6 months now. (this has forced me to eat regularly and consistently). I have also found the workouts to be relaxing and I enjoy the optimizations involved in figuring out meal plans.
- I use time trackers and project organizer tools to force me to get tasks done. What I use: https://trello.com/ and https://www.toggl.com/
- I have made one friend over the course of 4 years of trying, and this has helped me a lot. I recommend a non-technical person, because someone who is very much not like you can give you a fresh perspective.
Things I have tried that have NOT helped me:
- Alcohol; Lots of it. I was basically self medicating with hard liquor for about a year. I am now sober, but it was a tough time.
- Feeling sorry for myself. This is a big one that I still struggle with.
- Feeling like I am above certain things. I always thought I was above social interaction. I just never cared at all about other people or what they had to say. They would talk and I would just see endless drivel pouring out. Thinking that you are above social interaction, treatment, help, anything really is an unhealthy thought process.
Here are the things I am currently trying to solve my problems:
- I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist (in 4 months… the earliest I could find sadly). (I was diagnosed OCD and took prozac and other pills when I was a teenager. I stopped seeing people or medications when I was 16).
- I am trying to meet more people. I think a lot of my depression stems from crippling loneliness.
Maybe some of this will help you. Maybe you can help me too.
Also, I just joined this community, Hi.