This is related to another post I wrote here.
After the above post, I was let go and have been unemployed since - about a month now.
I’ve been reflecting over the past few months, and noticed that my motivation had been steadily dropping over time. I love writing and used to make sure I wrote all the time. I stopped writing both for hobby, and for my blog. I also used to really love WordPress and now just feeling really meh about web development in general. Like I want to sleep and wish the world away most days - especially after being used and discarded by my last job. It’s hit me hard.
When I do have energy, it’s to do the things I need to do - wash dishes, cook, buy groceries etc. Other than that, I’m having a hard time doing the “fun” things. Also since being let go, my situation financially doesn’t seem to be improving.
One potential job has asked me to complete a test project, but I’m staring at it right now and feel like I’m looking at a completely different language. Like I’m staring at a blank page or a bunch of gobbly gook I can’t make sense of - but I know that on a good day, this would make sense to me. It’s happened to me before, and I used to take a focus supplement that helped me somewhat. I’ve decided to start taking it again but I think it’s going to take a little time for it to either help again, or prove useless.
Things don’t seem to “click” for me like they used to two years ago since my mental health took a dive before I’ve gotten to the point where I am now - which in spite of everything else, is better than what it was. For context, a few years ago I was a web development “machine” - got up every morning without fail and climbed up the career ladder within a few years. I was, and would still like to think somewhere in me, I still am super ambitious. I had all these plans, both personal and for my career. My mother got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and it hit me so hard, I mentally crashed and have been steadily trying to find my way back ever since. I’ve made progress since that time when I couldn’t even get myself out of bed but feel like since being let go, I’m going backwards again.
I don’t feel like myself anymore. I’m creating checklists just so I can feel accomplished about getting out of bed and doing every day tasks to function. I tried an anti-depressant a few months ago and it was a terrible experience. I just want to feel like me again, be ambitious, pursue everything and function every day like I used to. Will I ever be that person again? I was told that some people are never the same after the breakdown I had - but I don’t want to be this person forever. This person isn’t going the places I wanted to go…
Anyone ever have a breakdown or setback like this and managed to “make it back” to where they were mostly the person they were before it happened? What helped? What didn’t?